Sexting:
Phone Sex:
Skype Sex:
When miles separate you from your partner, use the opportunity to get dirty from a distance. Rather than look at the separation as a negative, it is possible to use it as an advantage in your sex life. It does take effort to maintain a sexual connection across the miles, and it takes a willingness from both of you to keep that connection humming.
Technology plays a key role here. Texting, phone, and Skype are your sexy secret weapons.
In this lengthy lesson, I’ll give you specific techniques that match your situation, whether it’s an:
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- LDR — you are in a long-distance relationship where miles separate you 24/7, except when you have planned visits
- LTS — you have a longer-term separation with a specific date to be reunited (such as a military deployment or a 3-6 month work contract)
- STS — you have a short-term separation due to a business trip or other circumstance (generally a few weeks to a few days)
Sexting
Sending sexual texts is the easiest way to get dirty when miles separate you. You can say crazy perverted things without showing your nerves. And you don’t have to worry about privacy or scheduling logistics like you do with phone or video chatting.
Let me show you a great example:
My friend Katy is in an LDR. She lives in the States and her boyfriend is an ex-pat living in England. They have a scorching sex life despite being separated by an ocean. The following is a flat-out raunchy sexting conversation she shared with me:
K: If you only knew… 😉
Him: If I only knew what? 🙂
K: …how hot I’m getting thinking about your amazing dick right now.
Him: Oh really? What would you do if me & my dick were there with you?
K: First I’d tease you by running my wet tongue up and down your shaft.
Him: mmmmm
K: Then when I knew you were dying to grab my head and force yourself inside my mouth, I’d take you all the way in to the back of my throat in one move
Him: I’m so hard right now
K: … swirling my tongue over your tip each time I slide my mouth over your entire length
Him: oh god… I get so hard thinking about you sucking my cock. I want to grab a fistful of your hair while you are sucking me.
K: I love fucking your cock with my mouth. God I want your dick so bad my mouth and pussy are aching.
Him: I’m going to cum in your mouth and watch you swallow. Then that pussy is all mine. I want to taste you then fuck you so deep.
K: mmmmm…
Him: I’m going to spread your legs and your lips so I can lick your clit and stick my tongue inside you. Your whole body trembles and quakes as I lick and suck your sweet pussy.
K: Make me cum baby then give me that dick. Throw me on the bed with my hands behind my back. Yank my hair as you push inside me. Hard.
Him: I’m going to tease you first. Just the tip. Until you beg me to go deeper. Beg me Katy. Tell me how bad you want it.
K: I want your cock so bad! Fuck me now baby!
Him: I push my rock hard dick into your tight little pussy as deep as I can. I pound you from behind and spank your ass because you are my dirty girl.
K: I am yours baby. Do what you want with me. Everyone in a 2 mile radius will know because I’ll be screaming your name!
Wow.
Ok, they sound like sexting pros. Would you believe that just a few months before Katy shared this with me, the idea of saying anything remotely CLOSE to this left her terrified and tongue-tied?
It’s true.
The first time or two you sext, it’s normal to feel nervous. That’s why I want you to do it over text first, before using a phone or Skype. You can build up your confidence. It’s a great way to get comfortable with the dialogue, have time to craft great replies, and let your inner pervert out to play.
Do I Have to Be THAT Raunchy?
Absolutely not! You can tailor your dialogue to suit your taste level. It is totally possible to have a completely erotic sexting session without cursing or being raunchy.
The trick is to be descriptive. Say how it feels. Describe the action in detail. Tell him what you want him to do to you.
Read through the Naughty Thesaurus from Module Five to see tons of descriptive and alternate words for body parts and sex acts.
Creating a Sext-Starter
I like to start out with a playful text that begs for a response.
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- If you were here…
- I wish…
- Guess what I’m doing…
- Stop…
- Mmmm…
- Know what? 🙂
- You have me soooo…
Using the ellipsis after the sentence tells him that there is more to the thought. At first he may be confused by your message, but over time, these little hooks become the signal that he’s in for a sizzling surprise. The sext-starter gets his imagination revved up.
From there, you can steer the conversation any direction you’d like. You can jump right into the action (a sexting “quickie”) or start slowly and more innocently for a drawn-out tease.
Here are some possible ideas for you.
Playfully innocent
If you were here…
- …I would meet you at the door totally naked 🙂
- …I wouldn’t be able to keep my hands off of you.
- …you’d see just how naughty I’m in the mood to be. Very very naughty 😉
I wish…
- …I could feel the weight of your body on top of mine right now
- …you could feel exactly how turned on I am right now
- …you and what’s in your pants were in front of me this second 😉
Mmmmm…
- …do you have any idea how turned on I am by you?
- …the thoughts I’m having right now. Are you blushing? You should be.
- …I am longing for your touch right now baby
Jump into the action
If you were here…
- …I would take you in my mouth, licking and sucking until you lose control
- …you could bend me over the back of the couch and take me…hard and fast…the second you walk in the door
- …you could pour honey all down my naked body and lick it allllll off…inch by inch
Stop…
- …making me so horny. I can’t get any work done thinking of what I want you to do with my body.
- …filling my head with deliciously dirty ideas 😉 (then go on to describe)
You have me sooo…
- …turned on. I need you inside of me, filling me up, making me moan sooo bad right now.
- …wet right now.
Sexting Quickie
If you were here…
- …I’d be stroking your hard cock and begging you to fuck me.
- …I’d be face down, ass up on the bed so you could fill me up soooo deep.
- …you’d be enjoying my tight, wet kitty cat. purrrrrr….
Mmmmmm…
- …my pussy is so ready for you, baby
- …I want to wrap my mouth around your cock right now
You have me sooo…
- …horny right now. I need you to fuck me badddd
- …turned on and wet, omg I want to feel you inside me, fucking me hard
Hopefully he’ll decide to jump into the action and provide his own dirty commentary back to you. Unless you are delivering a pre-written movie script (like the Erotic Action Movie in Module Five), let him have a hand in steering the dialogue. Both of you being active participants is part of the process of building the connection across the miles.
If your man is shy or not totally comfortable sexting, asking questions that only need a simple yes or no response is perfectly acceptable. Things like:
- Does that feel good?
- Would you like that?
- Want me to keep going?
- Are you hard/turned on?
Sometimes you might not get a response right away after firing off a sext-starter. You can decide to continue on and send the second part of your message after a few minutes, or you can simply wait. Perhaps turn it into a tease when you see or speak to him next. Ask if he saw your text.
When he says, “Yes, what were you going to say?” you can say, “Only good boys who reply back get to know what was on my mind,” and change the subject. This trains him to pay attention and reply if he wants the reward 🙂
When you get ready to send that first sext-starter, here is what I want you to do…
- Take a deep breath
- Remind yourself of how sexy you feel when you are with your man
- Revisit your list of things that turn you on
- Let go of the expectation of what will happen next
- Remember that you are confident and in control and will handle things as they happen
Memory Recall Texts
Using the power of shared memories in your texts is a great way to immediately get his mind exactly where you want it. These also serve to stroke his ego by letting him know just how great of a job he did to satisfy you sexually!
With these texts, you are going to paint a vivid picture about an intimate moment you’ve shared with your man.
You can start these with a curiosity hook or just launch into the story, the choice is yours!
- I can’t stop thinking about…
- Remember that time…
- My mind keeps drifting back to…
Follow up with the memory…
- …when we snuck off to your truck at your cousin’s wedding? You looked so hot in your suit and I couldn’t wait to get you all to myself 😉
- …last summer after the reggae concert at the winery. Grinding on the dance floor got us so turned on. When we got home the way you just took me straight to the bedroom, pushed my skirt up, and fucked me. Wow… gets me so wet every time I think about it.
- …when you woke me up last Sunday with slow kisses down my stomach, to my hips, then to between my legs. The way you know exactly how to make me climax… mmmmm. That was the BEST way to wake up! 😉
Obviously, I don’t know your specific memories 😉 I just created a few examples. Use the Memory Journal Worksheet in Module Four to recall specific things from your sex life to use for material.
For longer memories, you can break them up into sentences and send them one at a time.
With memory recall texts, he might not respond, which is okay. At the end of the memory, you could ask a simple question that only requires a “yes.”
- Wasn’t that a fun night?
- Want to recreate that memory soon?
- Are you as turned on now as I am?
- If you want to get a dialogue going, you can ask him something that requires a longer reply:
- What was your favorite part of that night?
- What memory of our sex life turns you on the most?
Clear Directions Sexts
These texts get straight to the point. You are going to tell him exactly what you want him to do to you OR what you plan to do to him.
Basically, you can construct these texts using the following formulas or ones that are similar.
Almost like Mad Libs. Very naughty Mad Libs 😉
- I can’t wait for you to _____________ in my _____________.
- I can’t wait for you to slowly undress me looking at me with your sexy bedroom eyes.
- I can’t wait for you to nibble my nipples. Licking, sucking, a little biting. Do you know how hot that gets me?
- I can’t wait for you to give me your hard cock in my hungry pussy.
- Tonight I’m going to __________ your ___________ until you ______________.
- Tonight I’m going to stroke you with my hot wet tongue until you go over the edge with pleasure.
- Tonight I’m going to suck your cock until you cum.
- Tonight I’m going to ride you until you cum so hard baby.
- I want you to ___________ my _____________ until I’m ______________.
- I want you to lick my clit until I’m writhing and moaning and climaxing.
- I want you to fuck me from behind until I’m making so much noise I wake the neighbors 😉
- I want you to go down on me until every part of my body is shaking with pleasure.
- First, I’m going to ______________. Then I want you to _____________.
- First, I’m going to torture you with a slow, sexy strip tease. Then, when you can’t control yourself for one more second, I want you to have your way with me 😉
- First, I’m going to get on my knees, unzip your pants, and take you deep into my mouth. Then I want you to watch as I work my magic until you explode.
- First, I’m going to slather whipped cream all over my tits. Then I want you to take your time as you lick it all off.
These are just a few basic formulas that make it easy for you to get started. And as you can see from the examples, sometimes you have to tweak them slightly so they makes sense for the specific direction you are giving.
As you grow comfortable, by all means unleash your creativity and write out your own explicitly specific texts!
Phone Sex
Lots of people talk about phone sex, but if you are like many women, you have no idea how to initiate it or how to actually do it. The good news is that it’s easy to learn 🙂
Talking dirty over the phone adds other elements that digital communication lacks. Your voice and the immediate back and forth of conversation definitely add another level of sexiness. The bonus is that you still have the safety of appearing confident without him actually seeing if you are nervous, but it’s slightly more risky since it’s live.
“Phone sex” is engaging in explicit sexual conversation for the purpose of sexual gratification (orgasm). Now that can certainly be a goal for some conversations, but not every sexy phone call needs to result in the Big O. I’m going to have you build up to the main event. We will start out just by getting comfortable bringing up sex over the phone.
How to start
One of the easiest ways to drive a phone conversation toward sex is by throwing in some sighs, moans, and other sexy noises.
Him: Hey babe, how is your day going?
You: Mmmmm…(breathy slightly moany sex sound) much much better now that I get to hear your voice. (add a sexy giggle)
This might sound a little cray-cray, but in order for you to sound natural, you need to be comfortable making those sexy sounds when you aren’t actually having sex. Revisit The Madonna Moan from Module Two if you need a refresher.
Now the first couple of times you throw in a moan or sigh, he might not know what to think, and you won’t get a big reaction. He may just think he’s imagining things and move the conversation right along in a non-sexy direction. That is fine. You are just planting the seeds, here. He might feel just as unsure of himself as you do when it comes to phone sex, so taking it slow is perfectly fine.
What I recommend is to make a point to add in a moany sound just once during a routine “how’s your day” type of call over a few days (or weeks). Get him comfortable and anticipating what might come next. Doing this in combination with dirty digital messages is a good strategy.
The Next Level
The second step up the phone sex ladder is having a back-and-forth conversation. These conversations may or may not end up with one or both of you masturbating, so don’t focus on the end result. Yet.
The main point of dirty talking over the phone is to paint the visual picture in his mind of what sex with you feels like. How turned on you are. What you are wearing (or not wearing). Letting him know through your words and the sound of your voice that you are squirming with desire on the other end of the line.
Desire for HIM. Remember, this is your golden ticket to making him feel deeply connected to you. When you show him how desirable you find him, he feels worshiped, a feeling he deeply craves.
How you initiate the conversation is actually the same way you initiate via text or email. Start out with an open-ended question.
- Guess what I’m doing right now…
- Know what I’m thinking about?
Those are two really great ones to start with. When he asks “what?” you launch into a dirty description.
You: Know what I’m thinking about?
Him: What?
You: The way you look at me when you want to have sex.
Him: Oh really? What’s that like?
You: You get this unmistakable gleam in your eye that instantly turns me on. It makes me so hot for you. I’m feeling that way right now actually.
From there, you can decide to continue the sex talk, launching into more description. He might decide to take the lead and start asking you questions or feeding the conversation.
Like you practiced in the Erotic Action Movie in Module Five, getting comfortable saying these words is important. If you haven’t already done so, using your Erotic Action Movie is PERFECT for long-distance phone sex. Practice saying them in sexy ways. Alter the tone and cadence of your voice to find what feels good and sexy to you.
Again, you will likely feel really silly at first. But it’s important to play around with how your voice sounds. The more you get used to verbalizing dirty phrases, the more confident you become.
Taking It Over the Top
Like I said, every time you talk sexy on the phone will not end up in orgasms for you both. But setting out with that as your specific plan is something I want you to try.
The first time you do phone sex with the goal of orgasm, it’s best to plan it out a little bit. First, tell him you want to talk on the phone at a time where he is alone and not distracted. If you are in a long distance relationship, this can become a key part of your sex lives.
So you’ve selected the time for the call. He might have an inkling of what’s to come, especially if you’ve been naughty texting. This is good, anticipation is your friend here.
Before you call him up:
- Take some deep breaths
- Read over your list of what turns you on
- Read through some of your dirty text conversations with him
- Put on lingerie or a sexy bra and panty set… or just be naked under the sheets
- Dim the lights
- Make sure all distractions and interruptions are at bay (children, pets, etc.)
- Have a vibrator or dildo handy. Don’t have one? Go get yourself one! Ordering online is very discreet if the idea of going to a shop is too uncomfortable to you.
- Remember: you are confident and sexy and you are about to totally blow his mind! 😉
I find that the best way to do this is to plan on following a bit of a script. There are countless variations, but what needs to happen is that you describe the scene, give him lots of juicy details with adjectives, and talk through having sex.
Here is an example script you can follow. This is just a guideline; I want you to read it through and then determine ways you can make it personal. Recalling intimate memories of times you spent together in the past is a great way to personalize the experience.
Him: Hello?
You: Hi babe, are you alone?
Him: Yes, I am. What did you want to talk to me about?
You: I want you to sit back, relax, and listen. Close your eyes, okay?
Him: Okay.
You: I’m wearing something sexy for you. Want to guess what it is?
Him: (he tells you… whatever his answer is, use it for reference later) That black satin nightie I like.
You: Mmmm… yes, you know me so well. I’m wearing that. The silky fabric feels so good against my bare skin underneath.
Him: Mmmmm
You: I am thinking about some very yummy things right now. Want to know what they are?
Him: Yes.
Now you are going to run the show, narrating in detail step by step what would be happening if he were with you.
You: I’m running my hands over my breasts, imagining they are your big strong hands. My skin feels so soft and I’m getting little shivers.
You: Your hands are slowly moving down my body. I arch my back in anticipation of where they are headed… (sigh)
You: Your fingers reach beneath my nightgown. You can see I’m very turned on by how juicy and wet I am. This makes you happy doesn’t it?
Him: Yes (if he can even talk, lol)
You: You slide your fingers inside me… slowly and gently at first. I begin to move my hips along with your rhythm. Damn, baby, you feel good…you know what I like.
You: Your mouth finds its way down to me… your tongue begins its incredible dance against my clit. Flicking, pressing, licking, sucking… oh my god, you drive me so wild… (sigh, moan)
You: But you know I’m a naughty girl and I need to feel your cock inside me. I need to feel your hard cock baby. Deeep inside. (sigh, moan)
You: You push my hands over my head and my legs over your shoulders in one sweeping move. You stop and look me in the eyes before you push yourself inside. (sigh moan)
You: You start slow but you know I want it bad, so you start banging me fast and hard.
You: Oh baby, do I feel good to you? Do you like fucking me?
Him: Yes.
You: Yeah? You like how I feel? Because I love how you feel. Pushing your cock so deep inside me. I love how you fuck me. Oh baby…
At this point, you are both likely furiously getting yourselves off. Keep the conversation going if you’d like or you can just let it dissolve into moans of climaxing.
To reiterate, you can use this script or adjust to anything that feels good to you. I do recommend practicing it OUT LOUD a few times. Just like an actress knows her lines, the more you’ve said these words, the easier and more natural it will be during the phone call.
A Naughty Surprise
This is the phone sex quickie for advanced users. Get yourself turned on and aroused and ready to masturbate. Ideally you do this at a time when you know he will answer the phone but super ideally when he will answer the phone and other people are around. This way, he can only listen and not actively participate.
It’s like a safe way to be an exhibitionist. Adding in some sexual risk when you are apart stimulates that potent oxytocin/dopamine cocktail I taught you about in Module Three.
When he picks up the phone, you get right to business.
- Tell him you need to hear his voice but want him to listen only.
- Say you are so turned on and touching yourself. Describe how you wish he was there, what you’d have him do if he were with you.
- Quickly bring yourself to an obvious climax with moans and “oh my gods.” When you are done, tell him thank you and can’t wait to see him soon.
- Hang up without any further conversation.
He will be left reeling with desire 😉
I actually had a boyfriend do this to me once. I worked in an open floor-plan office. He knew that I didn’t have any privacy and that my co-workers could hear every conversation.
He called me on my direct line, and as soon as I answered, he said, “Here is what is going to happen. I know your co-workers are right there. Only you will know that you are listening to me jack off. I’m thinking about fucking you right now.”
My face flamed bright red and I immediately got turned on. He proceeded to ask me a few questions that I could give a simple yes or no answer to while he masturbated to climax.
It was a little bit of delicious torture because even though nobody knew what I was hearing over the phone lines, I felt a little on display. It was a very sexy moment that caught me completely by surprise. And the thrill of it definitely made me feel closer to him.
Skype Sex (aka “Video Chatting”)
This is the scariest level of Dirty from a Distance. Skype sex essentially equates to masturbation on camera. This can be solo or mutual.
Yes, the idea of it can be downright terrifying. Skype sex is powerful, though. It is the most intense way you can share your bodies with each other when you can’t be face to face or touch each other.
And as I’ve mentioned all throughout this program, men yearn to feel desired. They are hard-wired to want to feel like alpha-male sex gods, yet rarely do they ever get to bask in that adoration. When you share your naughty desires with him, when he can witness your unbridled passion because of his sexual prowess, and when you reveal just how fucking turned on he gets you… it is the most powerful way to bridge the distance between you two.
Even if your voice is slightly timid and shaky at first, or if your cheeks flame up bright red… trust me, he is NOT judging your performance. At ALL. He will find you so beyond sexy in that moment, and that is the memory that will be forever burned into his brain: YOU as confident, passionate, sexy vixen and HIM as the total sexy stud who got you that way!
Once you try it, I think you will absolutely LOVE how thrilling it feels to be so bold!
Skype Sex Prep
Install Skype on your computer or your phone and do a trial run (You can also use Facetime or the video chat app of your choice). This is just a non-sex Skype call to make sure you know how to connect online and can position your webcam and microphone.
When you are alone and not connected online, practice seeing yourself from different angles. On your webcam, you can view yourself and how you look on the receiving end. It’s important to feel attractive and sexy when you are “on display.” This bolsters your confidence. Also, experiment with lighting and ambiance.
Schedule your video call when you know that you both have privacy, time, and no distractions from kids, pets, or roommates.
Get yourself primped and pretty just like you would on a face-to-face date. Wear your favorite lingerie under clothes… or just start the call in your lingerie. Or, to give him that sense of ownership we talked about in Module Three, wear one of his shirts. If you want to use a vibrator or other sex toy, have that with you.
Initiating Skype Sex
He will likely have an idea of your intent when you schedule the call and ask him to make sure he’s alone with no distractions and complete privacy.
He will certainly get a clue when he logs on and sees you dolled up… and he’ll absolutely know if he flips on the camera and sees you in lingerie or nothing but his button-down shirt!
1. Start out by telling him you miss him and wish he was there with you.
2. Just like phone sex, you are going to let him know where your mind is. Some ideas could be:
-
- Just looking at you is getting me turned on.
- Do you have any idea how sexy you look right now?
- I am not wearing any panties right now. And I’m already getting wet just looking at you.
- My tits look amazing underneath this shirt. Want to see?
- You are so sexy.
- You turn me on with those bedroom eyes.
- You know exactly how to get me hot/wet/in the mood.
3. Segue into touching yourself. Removing some or all of your clothes is natural, you could even perform a saucy little striptease if you want. Tell him what you want him to do to your body if he were there, and describe what you’d be doing to him.
You can go into descriptive dialogue like you’d use in sexting/phone sex works, such as:
-
- If you were here I’d lick you from your neck to your waist, trailing little kisses and bites all the way down until I reached your dick. Slowly, I’d take you into my mouth, letting you savor the warm wetness.
- I want you turn me over, grab my hips and give me your cock. Slowly get deeper and deeper until you’re all the way in, feeling how tight and wet I am.
- You pinch and tug on my nipples, knowing that sends a jolt of electricity through my whole body.
- You tease me by taking one into your mouth, sucking, swirling, and nibbling hard.
You can also use shorter sentences if you find it tricky to carry on dialogue while you are touching yourself.
-
- I love it when you/how you…
- pinch my nipples.
- rub my breasts.
- lick my clit/pussy.
- fuck me hard.
- smack my ass.
- pull my hair.
- I want you inside me now.
- You feel so good inside me.
- I love how good your dick/cock/penis feels.
4. Solo or mutually masturbate to climax. You don’t have to position the camera so he can view your hands or vibrator. It is something that he probably would love to see, but for some of you, that may feel too exposed.
5. Vocalize what is happening and what you are feeling. Make sure to give him encouragement if he’s masturbating at the same time. If he’s not being vocal, you can get him to talk by asking questions or making demands.
- Do you like what I’m doing?
- Do you like this?
- Tell me what you want to do to me
- Tell me what you want me to do
- I want you to cum for me
6. It’s okay to giggle or break character, this is a real-time human experience. And just like face-to-face sex, sometimes funny things happen!
7. Enjoy a little “pillow talk” afterward. Just like you would if you were face to face, revel in the after-glow. Let him know how wonderful it felt or what you liked best. Talk about other desires and things to try next time.
A Couple of Variations…
If you are timid about talking, Skyping, and masturbating at the same time and you know he’s bold… or if you are into the dominant/submissive angle with sex… you can do this: tell him you want to do a Skype call where he “directs” you to orgasm. He will tell you the dirty things he wants to do to your body while you close your eyes, lean back, and get yourself to climax while he watches.
If you are flat out uncomfortable with masturbating on camera but don’t fear talking dirty, you can do the opposite. You talk him through a sex scene while watching him masturbate.
Either of these options still accomplishes the goal of sharing a sexual experience together.
Cautions and Concerns
I have to give a word of caution here. If you are doing Skype sex with a new partner, it is a good idea to discuss and agree on your rules, such as not grabbing screen shots to share online or with other people. My personal preference is to only do this with someone I am in a committed relationship with and whom I deeply trust.
Like I discussed in the lesson on boundaries, never feel pushed into doing something you don’t want to do. If Skype sex is just too scary for you, sexting and phone sex are still plenty exciting.
Summarizing Dirty from a Distance
You can keep a strong sexual connection even if miles separate you
Using tools like texting, phone, and Skype keep you connected
Introduce novelty and surprise by varying the raunch factor
Use other lessons from the program to fuel your sext, phone, and Skype activities
