Now that you’ve gotten comfortable with verbal forms of seduction, I’m going to teach you some non-verbal ways to draw your man closer and turn him on.
Body language is a powerful form of communication that is often overlooked. Researchers say that 50% or more of our communication takes place through body language. Many times, we use it subconsciously—some of this stuff is innate. However, when you train yourself to intentionally and purposely use seductive body language, it can be a potent component of your seduction toolkit.
Using intentional body cues with your Language of Desire techniques will totally amp things up.
However, in those periods of time where you are putting him on a slow simmer, seductive body language all on its own will effectively keep him focused on you.
Seductive Body Language… Toes to Nose
Nearly every zone of your body can be put to use in flirty and seductive body language. Here are the ways you can send those silently sexy messages to him.
I like to go from the ground up, so we will start there.
Feet and shoes
Pointing your feet toward the object of your affection is a subtle way to show where your interest lies… toward him. Also, you can casually slip your shoe off and dangle it from your toes. It’s a slightly tricky move, but there is something sexy about displaying your foot in this way.
The arch of your foot subtly reminds him of the other curves of your body. Also, a lot of men marvel at the daintiness of women’s feet compared to theirs. Even if you don’t feel like your feet are particularly pretty or dainty, they are noticeably more feminine than his.
Crossing legs
Crossing your legs when sitting is not only natural, it’s also ladylike. Like with your feet, make sure to have your top leg pointed at your man.
Languidly crossing and uncrossing your legs is a flirtatious gesture. No need to do this a la Sharon Stone in Basic Instinct (although that could give him a big thrill!), just a periodic crossing and uncrossing of your legs is enough to send some sexual signals to his brain.
Open heart
Crossing your arms sends the message that you are closed off, so be mindful to keep your arms in a non-crossed position. When you are nervous, it’s natural to want to cross them — it’s a self-protective gesture. I know I have a habit of crossing mine because it’s comfortable. So if you are like me, try to keep them at your sides. You can also rest them on the table or in your lap if sitting. Hands on hips can convey impatience, so be careful with that. If you are standing, you can lean on a table or other piece of furniture. The point is to keep your heart open, which subconsciously indicates that you are approachable and open to what he has to say to you.
Lean in, lean out
We all naturally respect each other’s personal space by keeping about a two-foot distance from each other. When someone is interested, look for them to break that bubble by coming in close to talk. I’m not talking about the annoying “close talker” habit we’ve seen on Seinfeld (one of my favorites). Rather, this is when you lean in close when talking or listening.
Leaning close and crossing the personal space bubble is a bold way to flirt. Leaning in is only half of the equation. The trick is to lean in and then move back, creating a void of space for him to fill. For example, show your interest in what he’s saying by leaning closer to him when he’s talking. Then lean back away from him, removing the closeness. Watch to see if he moves closer to you.
You can also use the close whisper. Lean up to his ear to tell him something, then move away. It could be a sweet “you look handsome/nice/sexy” or a “you smell great,” but it could be something completely un-flirty. Say it, then move your body away from him.
Watch what he does. He might take the opportunity to lean close to your ear to tell you something. If he doesn’t do that, you can be even bolder by asking him to come close to you.
Motion him close with your finger, and tell him something when he leans in. Again, what you say isn’t really important.
I coached a friend to try this out.
We were out playing darts one night, and there was a guy in our group she thought was cute. I told her to get in his personal space for just a quick second to get his attention. As she walked by him to take her turn, she leaned in close to his ear and said, “Here goes nothing!” He watched her intently as she shot her darts, his attention now firmly on her. She went back to her seat and gave him a smile as she passed.
After he took his next turn, where he managed a bullseye, she motioned for him to lean close to her. He smiled and leaned toward her, she playfully teased, “Lucky shot,” and leaned away. He scooted his chair closer to her. The rest of the evening was spent in friendly banter, and his focus was squarely on her the entire time.
She managed to create a private little conversation with him in the midst of a noisy group setting.
It didn’t matter what she said, it was combining the lean-in technique that first got her noticed.
Soft touch
Friendly touching builds rapport. A hand on the arm or shoulder is a great way to start. Do this when he tells a joke or when he says something personal. Don’t linger there, just a quick touch will work.
Notice if he reciprocates these friendly touches. To amp it up, place a quick hand on his thigh and then remove it. If you are using this with a man you are in a relationship with, let your hand placement move closer to his hips, waist, or inner thigh as your conversation continues.
If you are together watching a movie or concert someplace where you are sitting next to one another but aren’t able to talk, you can do the slow finger graze.
This is where you start with a hand on his thigh, then slowly begin to run your fingers up a few inches and then back down a few inches. Do this a couple times then stop. Take your hand away. Several minutes later, start again. This time inch a little closer to the inner thigh and a little closer to his crotch. Then back down toward his knee. Take your hand away again. Repeat this a few times. Sometimes stop just at the top of his inner thigh, making him realize just how badly he would love for your fingers to make contact with his penis.
Lips
In addition to smiling, lips are an effective body language tool. Licking your lips and even slightly biting your lips when you are talking to your guy… even a public application of lipstick will send his mind wandering to the physical delights your mouth and lips hold.
Lick your lips for a brief moment, then stop. Several minutes later, do it again. You can also do some slight pouting and not-quite-puckering for a kiss. Subtlety is your friend here. You don’t want to look like you are licking the last bits of dessert from your mouth. And you definitely don’t want to be giving him duck lips — just some barely-there extra action with your lips to get his mind wandering and wishing he was kissing you.
Also, let your gaze occasionally drift toward his mouth and lips when he’s talking. Think about how you want to kiss him. Subconsciously, he will pick up on your vibe.
Sexy hand gestures
This is one tactic that can work like a charm, but requires a “less is more” approach.
Think of using your hands like a game show model would use them. She gracefully showcases the prizes the contestant might win. Your hands and fingers can show your man the sexy things on your mind.
For example, you could let your fingers slowly circle the rim of your glass, or gently stroke the stem of your wine glass. You can also slowly slide a ring up and back down your finger. These definitely conjure up phallic thoughts, so you want to keep your movements slow and graceful here.
You can also smooth and straighten your clothes to draw his attention to your body. Straighten the neckline of your blouse near your cleavage or smooth your skirt over your hips. You can gently fiddle with your necklace or earrings to make him notice the feminine curve of your neck.
Personally, I like to periodically touch the pendant on my necklace, essentially resting my hand delicately above my cleavage.
In fact, exposing your neck is a very subconscious type of flirty body language. It is a primal way of showing that you trust the man you are with and that you are vulnerable to him. Adjusting your necklace and playing with your hair (more on that next) are opportunities to expose your neck.
You don’t want to be overt or super obvious and grab your breasts, adjust your bra, or fiddle with your undies. Think grace and elegance with this tactic.
Hair twirling
This one you probably know already. Women have a strong tendency to twirl and play with their hair when they are face to face with a man they like. Tucking and untucking behind ears, pulling it over one shoulder or the other, twirling pieces of it between your fingers… these are all things I bet you’ve done many times. I know I have!
Why do we do this? It’s a form of preening. Think of how birds preen their feathers to attract attention. Playing with our hair is similar. We are putting our looks on display with these actions.
What I want to you do when you are intentionally using flirty body language is slow your movements down. Stroke your hair with your fingers gracefully. Slowly twirl a piece in an absentminded way while he’s talking. If your hair is long enough, wear it in a low ponytail or braid and gently tug on it. Make eye contact and give a sly smile when you do this. Make him want to run his fingers through your hair… or give it a playful yank.
Facial expressions
Smiling is the most obvious way to express interest and pleasure, and you can use a variety of smiling types: the wide-mouth toothy grin that expresses joy as well as the closed-lip seductive smile. Even a playful smirk or half-smile is good to throw in. I like to use different smiles to correspond with the flow of conversation.
Aside from smiling, you may also notice yourself blinking more. The term “batting eyelashes” comes from this phenomenon. When people are near someone they are attracted to, they tend to blink more frequently.
I don’t generally advise trying to blink more. Blinking is one of those involuntary things that when you think about it, you start doing it strangely and it just feels weird. So rather than focus on blinking (sorry, I bet you are totally thinking about blinking right now. Annoying, huh?), what you can do instead is practice the lowered gaze.
You want to do this when you know he is looking at you. Dip your head slightly forward and to the side and look downward. Then, while your head is still tipped forward, slowly raise your eyelids and make eye contact with a coy smile. It may feel a little exaggerated at first, so practice in the mirror. The point of this type of gaze is two-fold. One, you look a little mysterious when you delicately look away — he wonders what you are thinking. Then, when you make eye contact in that coy way, it’s like you caught him staring at you and you like it.
Eye contact
Eye contact powerfully connects two people. When your man is talking to you, looking into his eyes tells him he has your undivided attention. He feels heard, acknowledged, and important.
Eye contact can also be really romantic. Just holding each other’s gaze and smiling for a minute or two has a way of building emotional rapport.
Practice taking advantage of times to make eye contact. This can be when you are face-to-face talking, but it can also be times when you just steal a glance and have a moment of staring lovingly into his eyes.
If you are single, strategic eye contact is how you get guys to flock to you like bees to honey.
When you spot a guy who you’d like to talk to, stare at him. It might feel a little creepy-stalkerish at first, but he will likely sense that someone is looking at him, even if it’s across the room. When he turns to you, smile and make eye contact for a second, then turn away. A few minutes later, repeat. Stare to get his attention. This time, when he makes eye contact, smile and hold his gaze for at least three seconds. Then look away again. Chances are high that he will approach you.
If you notice a man looking at you and you are interested in talking to him, do the same thing.
Making eye contact is a direct way of inviting him to approach!
Mirroring
An easy way to make someone feel comfortable and accepted is to mirror their body language and gestures. When someone seems in sync with us, it builds affinity. Salesmen do this technique, as do pick-up artists. What I’m teaching is more subtle.
Remember the movie Better Off Dead when Lane decides to mimic his girlfriend on their date? If not, go watch it. Not only does that scene teach you how NOT to mirror effectively, but it’s a great comedy classic 😉
So mirroring is NOT copycatting or mimicking. That would make your guy feel like you might be making fun of him. Mirroring is done at a slower pace. If he angles his body toward you, a few seconds later, you angle your body toward him. If he rests his elbow on the table or rests his face in his hand, 10-20 seconds later you do something similar. It’s not an immediate copying, it’s a process of matching their posture, body language, and gestures incrementally.
Sexy walk
When you know his eyes are on you, add an extra swing to your hips and a sway to your walk.
You don’t need to do it in a way that makes you feel ridiculous, but giving him a little bit of a show is fun. Strut your stuff!
Why does a sexy saunter turn him on? It is confident and bold. It also showcases your curves.
Plus it sends a subconscious message of fertility with all the hip action.
Personally, I love using this technique. I naturally have a bit of a sway to my hips when I walk, but when I know my guy is watching me, I throw in some extra oomph just for him. He even says that one of the things he loved from our very first date was my confident strut.
Go ahead and practice this one at home, alone. Put on a pair of sexy shoes and turn up some tunes. Pretend he is watching you walk away and has his eyes on your booty and hips.
Stand up straight with your head up, shoulders back, and boobs out. When you walk, you are going to move your hips in a slightly exaggerated way from side to side. Let your arms swing loosely and naturally.
Try out a few different struts from mild to totally over the top. Watch a video online of the Victoria’s Secret fashion show — your goal is a milder version of that. Channel your inner sex symbol if you need to. Practice until you find a style that feels good to you. Then, the next time you have the chance to strut proudly, try it out.
Reading his cues
The flipside to proactively using seductive body language is to learn to read the cues he is sending you. Understanding these messages helps you know your flirting is effective. Much of body language is universal, but there are a few things men tend to do that go unnoticed by women.
If you are single, this is a great way to figure out which guys you meet are saying they are attracted to you, even if they are playing it cool with their words.
Big stance
A man trying to get your attention will make an effort to appear large and take up space. This is an alpha-male thing. He is subconsciously telling you he’s powerful and protective. Look for hands on hips, feet set wide apart, and exaggerated movements like stretching with his arms wide.
“Accidental” touches
Just like we indicate interest through touch, look for him to do the same. If you are in a crowded space, he may put a protective arm around you. While walking in public, he might put his hand on the small of your back or your arm to guide you. This is also a slight way of claiming his territory. If he is finding opportunities to casually touch your arms, shoulders, back, or waist while you are talking or in close proximity, these are good signs.
Getting close
As I mentioned above, leaning close is a strong indicator of interest. If the man you are talking to leans forward when you are talking, he is showing that he is engaged and wants to hear more.
The penis points the way
Well, not just the penis, but also the shoulders, torso, and feet. Notice the direction he is angling these parts of his body. If it’s towards you, even when he isn’t directly talking to you, that indicates interest.
For example, years ago I met a guy who was a terrible at flirting. He was quite shy, and every time we hung out, he kept every conversation on a completely platonic level. The only way I knew that he was attracted to me was that when he sat near me, his shoulders, torso and feet were always angled toward me. He would be talking to someone else in our group but he never shifted the direction his body pointed.
Copycatting
Just like you learned that mimicry is a way to build affinity, look for ways he might copy you.
Ordering the same drink, mirroring your movements or stance, and even adopting similar words are ways he might mimic you.
Facial expressions
Making and keeping eye contact, smiling at you, raising his eyebrows and nodding when you are talking are all signs that he is attracted to you.
Putting It All Together
There are two approaches I want you to use with your newfound Silent Seduction skills.
- Silent Seduction Blitz
The first approach is to go full-court press on him and lay it on thick. All of it. Be bold and outrageous… and obvious. Use this like you would one of the techniques from the program. Plan a night where you are going to let your body do the flirting more than your words.
Make eye contact and smile. Hold his gaze for several seconds. Gently caress his arm as he talks. Playfully touch his shoulder when he tells a joke. Coyly lower your gaze over dinner. Lean in close to tell him a sweet secret, then back away to leave him wanting your closeness again. While in the car, let your fingers casually wander up his leg… hinting at where he might want you to take them… pausing for a breathless second, then grazing them back toward his knee. Play with your hair, have your hands linger suggestively near your cleavage as you innocently adjust your necklace. Everywhere you walk, strut like you own the joint. Use every body language tactic I’ve taught you and watch his level of desire grow and grow! - Silent Seduction Stealth
The second approach I want you to use is to pepper your day-to-day interactions with sexy body language. This is different than the all-out blitz. What you will do here is just look for those periodic opportunities to be conscious of your body language and purposely send some sexy flirting his way, seemingly randomly and definitely unexpectedly.
While grocery shopping, touch his arm and let your hand linger and slowly caress his muscles beneath his shirt as you place something in the cart.
When you are attending a family event, take a moment to lean in close and whisper a little something in his ear, then move away.
If you catch him watching you, meet his gaze and seductively smile while licking your lips.
During TV or movie time, do the slow finger graze up his leg, teasing him from time to time by inching your hand close to his nether regions.
Sway your hips and strut when you are walking in front of him or know he’s watching you walk by, even if it’s just across the living room to grab something from the kitchen.
Being mindful of your body language and throwing in a little spice here and there not only piques his desire for you, it also feels good. Knowing that you move your body in sensually confident ways gives you a self-esteem boost. Channel that inner sex symbol, girl!
Do you have your own special body language techniques, have a success story to share, or want to take part in ongoing conversations? Join me on my Facebook page at https://www.facebook.com/AskFelicity.
