Sharon and Michael knew how to have fun with each other. They’d been high school sweethearts who had now been happily married for 22 years. And while they’ve had highs and lows over the years, they still had a lot of chemistry. Anyone who spent time around them saw, Sharon knew exactly how to get Michael’s attention with unabashed flirty teasing.
“Hey, hon, I’m going to go wash the truck!” Michael hollered on his way out to the driveway.
“You enjoy getting those strong hands all slippery and wet, dear. I may have a similar way to put them to use when you are done!”
How fast do you think Michael got that truck washed so he could enjoy the slippery fun Sharon teased him with?
I want you to think of your sex life like a thermostat. You could keep everything at a predictable and comfortable 68-70 degrees but that gets a bit boring in its predictability.
With the knowledge you now have about his sex drive and brain chemistry, you can crank the heat up a couple of degrees or into a full-on heat wave any time you want. And then dial it back down to comfortable. It’s that variation that builds tension and excitement in your lives.
Sexual tension is also known as “the chase”. Specifically, the thrill of the chase. You want something but it’s slightly out of grasp…or is it? Sometimes you can have it but you aren’t sure of the next time you’ll enjoy it. That is why dating and new relationships are exciting…there are so many unknowns.
Sexual tension is something that is a key component in a vibrant relationship. Without it, it’s easy to veer too far into friendship territory.
We’ve all experienced that in our lives…the one guy who is just really nice friend. He can even be attractive but he’s predictable. And available. And there’s no excitement. Because there is zero sexual tension. This is partly why the elusive bad boy is so attractive to us. We don’t know if we can truly tame him because he’s wild and unpredictable. Ooh…and he probably rides a motorcycle and drinks bourbon. Rawr!
And for men? They lose the thrill of the chase with women who have zero mystery. Whether that’s because she combines insecurity with sexual availability…or because she’s too motherly and nurturing and there’s nothing sexual about her.
The people we tend to be the most attracted to are the ones who provide that sexual tension and little thrill of the chase for us (and yes, the chase sounds like a game…and I will explain why it’s a GOOD game).
And when you are in a long-term relationship – especially one where you live together, deal with daily responsibilities, and see each other’s warts and flaws – it’s really easy to forget about building sexual tension at all.
You’ve already landed your partner in the form of living together or marriage, and you’ve certainly slept with them…so there’s nothing left to chase, right? Wrong!
When the thrill of the chase is long gone, how exactly do you bring that back?
It takes a little bit of effort but actually, it’s not that difficult to do.
Remember back to our lessons on brain chemistry: Sexual tension plays into the territory of our friend dopamine, but we are switching things up by throwing in variations so even common activities become exciting because he won’t know what is coming his way.
Throwing in some unexpected variety in the form of teasing gives a rush of adrenaline and endorphins. Adrenaline and endorphins feel good and when you combine it with the reward hormone (dopamine) and the subsequent cuddle hormone (oxytocin) you are brewing up a potent (and delicious) cocktail.
Ok, let’s talk about “the chase” and how it sounds like a game. It IS. And you know what? Games are okay!
Yes, you heard me. Games are GOOD in relationships when they are done in the spirit of fun.
Sex is about play and fun, remember? And games are about play and fun. Games get a bad rap when it comes to relationships because there are people out there who consider games to be manipulation with ill-intent. Lying or trying to “get” something from someone. And yes, those things are bad.
But playing a game in the spirit of play? That’s good! Playing a game to bring more fun and creativity to your sex life? That’s awesome!
With all of these techniques I’m teaching you in this program, you aren’t manipulating your man or getting him to do anything against his will. What you are doing is re-introducing fun, joy, and passion into your sex life.
And if you are single and dating, you are treating the men lucky enough to take you out to a whole world of fun. Basically giving them a sneak peek into how amazing a future will be with you!
In this module, I’m going to teach you a couple of simple-but-amazingly effective intensifiers to different areas of your sex life that will get the sexual tension buzzing again!
