In this technique I’m going to teach you how to condition your guy into immediate arousal in mere seconds at your whim.
Once you’ve put this lesson into practice, you can mention one little word and he will instantly put down his phone or turn off that video game and give you his complete and eager attention.
Sounds amazing…but also sounds difficult. Don’t worry, this technique is very easy to follow and I will outline the specific steps for you.
I mentioned the word “condition” above. What I’m teaching you here is a proven psychological phenomenon known as conditioning. I’m sure you’ve heard about Pavlov’s dogs but probably would never have guessed it could be used in your sex life. Until now…
History says that Russian physiologist Ivan Pavlov accidentally discovered “classical conditioning” with his dogs. He discovered that by using a bell at the same time he fed his dogs, the dogs began to associate the sound of the bell with getting fed. And after intentional repetition using the bell during feeding time, they would salivate anytime they heard the bell, even if they couldn’t see any food.
In the dogs mind, the bell came to represent food just the same as seeing food would.
In this exercise, we are essentially going to figure out what your “bell” signal will be and we will replace food with sex. By combining the “bell” along with sex, you are going to train your man to respond to the signal with immediate arousal.
Here is how I accidentally discovered conditioning in conjunction with my own sex life.
I had a boyfriend who absolutely LOVED the view from above when I gave him head. Having me on my knees in front of him was a visual that totally turned him on. To make it more comfortable on myself, I would throw a pillow on the floor before I knelt down. He was a big fan of oral and I was a big fan of pleasing him so the pillow toss happened regularly.
One afternoon, he walked into the bedroom as I was making my bed. I happened to throw a pillow on the floor and he smiled and unzipped his pants to release his erect (and eager) penis.
Whoa, there, mister! I’m just making the bed here.
It was then that I realized the pillow toss had become a signal to him. He had become conditioned that a pillow on the floor = blow job.
Once I figured that out, I knew I could have a lot of fun with that as our secret sexy code.
If we were out at Target, I would lead him over to the home decor section and casually saunter past the pillows, making a point to stop in front of the shelves and get his attention. The look in his eyes (and bulge in his pants) was unmistakable.
If we were sitting on the couch watching a movie, I could softly run my hand over the surface of the throw pillows and he would totally get the hint. And sometimes, I would just text him the phrase “Pillow. On the floor. Now.” out of nowhere and his response back would be immediate.
A totally benign household object became an incredible symbol to our sex life. Saying “pillow” wasn’t even remotely dirty but the meaning behind it was totally hot for us. Through that simple detail, I held the power to give him a rock hard erection any ol’ time I wanted to.
A pillow was our Pavlov’s bell.
We eventually broke up but have stayed in touch. And he’s told me, no one he’s met since me can hold a candle to my ability to elicit that level of passion from him.
Ding ding ding!
Speaking of blow jobs and Pavlov, here’s another example.
A guy friend of mine told me about this one woman he dated with a specific and strong gag reflex. She wouldn’t give him head unless she had a cold glass of water at the ready on the bedside table. Immediately after he came, she needed to swallow water along with his swimmers or else she’d gag.
This made spontaneous oral challenging.
However, he started to know that a blow job was on her agenda whenever she came to the bedroom with a glass of water in hand. He’d see that innocent cup and immediately get excited.
The glass of water became his Pavlov’s bell.
I was never able to ask her directly if she used the glass of water intentionally to get a “rise” out of him, but my guess is she knew exactly what she was doing.
How to develop Your Own Pavlov’s Erection
Okay, ladies, it’s time to play Sexy Scientist. First, you need to understand exactly how conditioning works.
Using my pillow example from above:
Before Conditioning: Showing Him a Pillow = No Response
During Conditioning Period: Using a Pillow + Blow Job = Erection and Joy
After Conditioning: Showing Him a Pillow without a Blow Job = Erection and Anticipation of Joy
Step One: Find Your “bell”
You need to decide what object or action you want to use as your “bell” to combine with sex. There are all sorts of things you can use here. Some ideas to consider are:
- A certain hairstyle, like a ponytail before giving oral. My friend Tiffany has long gorgeous wavy hair that her husband LOVES. She innocently began putting her hair up in a ponytail before giving him oral because it kept it out of the way. The bonus was his view was totally unobstructed. After they’d been together for about a year, she realized that when she put her hair up in a ponytail, he got very frisky and flirty. So she started doing it on purpose.
- Lighting a certain candle or dimming the lights in a specific way. One guy I know told me how he used to have one of those green “party” lightbulbs in the lamp in his college dorm room. Whenever his girlfriend spent the night, he’d turn off every light but that green lamp. Pretty soon, that green lamp became known as the “sex light” between him and his girlfriend.
- An article of clothing. Like lingerie, a red bra, or a shirt that unzips in front. One of my book club friends told me she has her “normal pajamas” and her “sex nightgown”. Her “normal” stuff is all about comfort and a lot of the items are bit worn and ratty. But the sex nightgown is spaghetti straps and one she paid a lot of money for at a fancy department store. It’s not super sexy or anything but she feels amazing when she puts it on. She noticed that when she feels horny, she opts for the sex nightgown. Her husband also noticed that when she puts it on before bed, chances are high they are having sex that night.
- Play the same song or CD during sex. A song can be particularly effective because it also incorporates the sense of hearing.
- Think of a habit, toy, or fetish you or your partner already use in your sex life. Fetishes and toys can totally work in this aspect! And if he already associates it with sex, you are even further along in the conditioning.
- A specific pair of shoes. They don’t call them “fuck me heels” for nothing. Some guys have a total thing with seeing their lady don a pair of sky high heels just for his viewing pleasure. High heels alter your posture making your butt stick out a little more (guys find that hot) and they also make your legs look long and lean.
Grab your journal and jot down some ideas. It’s okay to try out one or two ideas at first to see what you are most comfortable with before you move on to step two.
Step Two: Use the Item
Once you’ve decided the item you want to use as your “bell”, you need to plan and remember to consistently and intentionally use the item.
Simple as that. Use the item during sex.
Let’s continue outlining these steps assuming you’ve chosen a pair of strappy high-heels as your “bell” item.
Step Three: Use it Some More
The next few times you can plan to initiate sex, wear the shoes. Of if you know there will be a time he is likely to initiate sex, like on a date night or on vacation, remember to wear the shoes or have them handy.
Step three can last a few weeks or longer depending on the frequency you have sex.
Step Four: Test His Response
After a few times of using the shoes, test whether he’s begun to associate the item with sex. Pull the sex shoes out of the closet and mention you are thinking of wearing them. See what he does.
Does his attention perk up? Does he smile or pull you close? Does he begin to flirt, hint, or flat-out ask for sex? If the answer to any of those is yes, then you know the conditioning is taking hold.
If the answer to the question is no, DO NOT WORRY. Remember, this technique is one that takes time to develop. So just continue working Step Three. Every so often, test and see his response to the item outside of sex.
Step Five: Tease
After the conditioning has been cemented in his brain, you can begin to tease and toy with him. For example, you can simply whisper the word “strappy sandal” and have his penis spring to attention.
Or casually leave the shoes out on the bed when you leave for a girls night out so he sees them but you aren’t there. Or if you meet up for a dinner one night after work, show him that you have the shoes on and watch him squirm in his seat waiting to get you out of that restaurant and into bed!
Like in my pillow example above, once I knew my boyfriend associated the pillow with a blow job, I could toy with him and tease him by mentioning pillows or touching pillows and his penis responded immediately every single time. He loved that I could render him helplessly aroused with one simple word.
FAQ
How many times will I need to use my item during/before sex before he gets conditioned?
Well, that depends on how closely he’s paying attention. It might be a few times it might be many. Just stay consistent with it over time and every so often, try out Step Four to see if he responds to the item when you show it to him outside of having sex.
I love this idea but I’m not in a long-term relationship. Can I still use this?
Yes and no. Let me explain. This technique is designed for women who have a regular partner. However, if you are in a new relationship, you can still keep your eyes and ears open for ideas.
Stay alert for patterns or circumstances you can eventually use for your “bell”. Think of yourself as playing sexy detective and filing away information for future rendezvous.
Should I call his attention to the item/signal?
Not directly. I wouldn’t say “When I wear these shoes it means we are going to fuck” right off the bat. But you could casually mention things like “These shoes make me feel sexy.” or “Wasn’t I wearing these sandals last time we had crazy-good sex?” That could be enough to trigger him to begin to associate the shoes with sex.
What if he notices I’m always using this item/signal with sex?
Chances are he won’t. However, if he does catch on to what you are doing, just stay cool and play along.
If he says, “Hey, every time we have sex lately you wear the same red bra. What’s up with that?”
You can coyly say “Oh really? I hadn’t noticed. Maybe the bra has secret sexy powers…” or turn the question back on him “You noticed my bra, huh? Do you like it?”. There really is no wrong way to respond. If he notices the pattern that just means he’s paying attention and he’s already associating the item with sex, erection, and climax. Which is good! The point is to remain playful and confident.
What if I forget to use my item when we have sex?
That’s okay! Don’t stress about it if you have a spontaneous roll in the hay and you didn’t use your “bell”. You can just use it next time you have sex. Remember, this technique is one that will take time to develop. So a romp or two without the item is totally fine!
Isn’t this a form of mind manipulation?
Well, technically it is. However, it is a very playful and fun technique. Even if your guy figures out you’ve intentionally associated something like a pair of heels or a ponytail with hot sex in his brain, my guess is he won’t be complaining.
Have fun testing out this technique! Let me know how you are doing with it by leaving comments here in this module.
