This technique is not about pop music. It’s about learning to tune into the Sexual Super Woman at the core of your being, being 100% present with your desires and sensations, and learning to powerfully vocalize your rapture in a way that will make his toes curl in the best possible way.
Does the thought of that freak you out a bit? It’s okay!
It’s normal to feel shy about letting down your guard and expressing such pure sexual emotion the first time (or two). However, when I explain the potent effect this moan will have on your man, you will definitely be willing to try it out. Plus, I have some exercises for you that will ease any anxieties you have and get you so comfortable, you’ll be Madonna Moaning in no time.
Why do women moan during sex?
The surface answer is because it’s what we’ve been taught. Romance novels describe heavy breathing, heaving bosoms, and moaning in their sex scenes. Actresses writhe around making loud sighs and even screams (and yowls!) onscreen in movies Rated PG to XXX . The technical term for making sex noises is copulatory vocalizations.
And if you’ve seen When Harry Met Sally, you can’t forget the famous (fake) orgasm scene in the deli.
We see examples like Meg Ryan gave us and, on some level, most everyone has agreed that THIS is what sex is supposed to sound like. So we all do it to some degree.
The slightly deeper answer is that women moan to indicate pleasure and as a way to communicate to their partner during sex. We’ve already discussed why we feel uncomfortable talking about sex (much less giving specific directions…but I’ll teach you that, too). So moaning, sighing, and yes’ing becomes our default “language” during sex.
Do men get turned on by our moans?
In short: Yes. A woman’s moaning tells her man “Excellent job!” So men have learned to interpret our noises as positive affirmations. But there is actually a scientific connection, too. More on that below.
Also, we women also know that sometimes a few well-timed moans and “Yes!”s can help get your partner to climax.
“Hurry up” isn’t the kind of moaning I’m teaching you here.
The Madonna Moan is not a way to hurry along intercourse to orgasm. This moan is authentic and driven by pure emotion, not acting or faking, and certainly not from watching the clock.
Scientists have shown that making noise during sex serves as a desire driver. The moaning enhances pleasure for both partners. You will benefit from your Madonna Moan as much as he will.
Because when you are free with your vocalizations and moan with wild abandon, without fear or anxiety, the end result is bliss.
Why this will blow his mind (brain)
Men’s brains are wired to chase us and to please us. It’s true. In the hypothalamus area of men’s brains is a section specific to sexual pursuit…and it’s 2.5 times bigger than women’s (more on brain chemistry in Module 4). This innate need to pursue you sexually is pre-programmed.
Once he’s “caught” you sexually, his brain shifts toward procreation. Even if makin’ babies is absolutely NOT on either of your agendas. I’m talking primal brain chemistry stuff here, not logical thinking and planning. As a couple, you may be using eight types of contraception to prevent pregnancy but that doesn’t mean his brain (or yours) is on the same “no babies” page.
Female orgasm has a correlation to conception. Science has shown that when a female has an orgasm there is an improved chance of the sperm and egg connection. And… going back to the point of this lesson, women indicate orgasm by making noise…
…so your moans actually tap into that primal part of his brain.
And when your “copulatory vocalizations” are expressed from being totally in touch with your desires, the result is nothing short of fireworks for you both.
Not only is that primal part of his brain activated, his ego is totally pumped up, “Wow! Look how amazing I must be to make her moan/scream/curse like that! Just WOW!”
This, my friend, is a heavy-duty one-two punch of sexual satisfaction for a man. You are giving him this incredible affirmation on his sexual prowess while activating his brain chemistry at the same time. BOOM!
So let’s learn the Madonna Moan in a simple three-step process.
Step One: Finding Your Voice
In order to tap into your authentic moan, you need to practice. Because it may take some preliminary moans and sighs before you arrive at that sacred place emotionally to really express yourself.
The first step is to perfect those warm-up vocals alone. Warming up and practicing helps you access your deep emotions and feelings. Here are some exercises to do just that.
Say his name. Practice saying his name out loud. Now lower the octave in your voice and say it again. Now say it slowly, like you are savoring every syllable. Try it out a bunch of ways and see what sounds good to you.
If you aren’t currently in a relationship, say the name of your crush – celebrity or otherwise. The point here is that you get comfortable playing with your voice and different ways to say a man’s name.
And it’s okay to have fun with it…confession time, when I was single I practiced saying George for the one and only George Clooney. Shhh…please don’t tell him. I don’t want Amal to feel threatened 😉
Moan while eating. Get a container of yogurt or some ice cream. Dip your spoon in and lick it off little by little and let out some mmmm’s and ohhhh’s.
Get into it. Imagine the object of your desire is watching you as you lick the spoon. You are seducing him with the way you are eating that delicious food.
Does this feel silly at first? You bet. However, the more you get used to the sound of your voice the easier it is to use it.
Verbalize your desires. Grab your journal and worksheets from this module. Say out loud the things that turn you on or the sex acts you enjoy. Just read down your list “I am turned on by…”.
Now, I want you to say them as if you are directing your partner or giving the play by play.
For example:
I love it when you (lick/suck/bite/fuck/pound/kiss/nibble/spank) my (breasts/neck/ass/pussy).
You feel so (big/good/incredible/fucking amazing/huge) when you (fuck me/are inside/ are on top/ are behind).
The point of saying your desires and the play by play out loud is to get comfortable with these words. You may end up saying these things as part of your Madonna Moan, you may not.
But verbalizing your desires accesses a slightly different part of your brain which increases your connection to your core sexuality. It also opens the door to those deeper desires you may not have recognized were even there. Ladies, there is a method to my madness here 😉
Step Two: Moan While Masturbating
Finding some private time is ideal so you can really let your vocalizations fly as you orgasm. For some of you, alone time isn’t easy to come by. In that case, lock the door to your room (or bathroom) and crank up some music to give yourself some privacy.
Think of your list of what turns you on. Mentally conjure up your wildest fantasy.
As you start to pleasure yourself, begin to moan. As you build to orgasm, continue your moaning but feel free to let out whatever happens naturally.
- Your “moan” may be a string of yes’s and mmmmm’s and oh’s
- Your “moan” may be your partner’s name said (or screamed) at varying volumes like you practiced
- Your “moan” may also be a whole bunch of “Oh God’s” along with curse words
There is not one “right” way to moan. The important thing is to let it OUT.
Don’t think about what it is you are saying. Don’t judge yourself. And do NOT censor yourself. Just make the noises and say the words that happen as they happen.
It is normal to feel completely self-conscious when you do this at first.
Confession? I felt like a complete idiot when I first tapped into my Madonna Moan. It was like I’d been possessed and was speaking in tongues. Afterward, I was embarrassed by what had come tumbling out of my mouth.
But there was something so powerful and fierce about expressing myself that way. And I let those feelings of power outweigh my insecurities.
I want you to do the same.
Side note for my single ladies: I challenge you to do this exercise often. It’s amazing practice for the next man who is lucky enough to have sex with you.
Also, there is scientific evidence that increased orgasm (and the accompanying bodily secretions) amp up your natural pheromones. Pheromones are those nifty chemicals that all animals release (including humans) that send messages to others that influence behavior. Essentially, the more sex pheromones you release the more you trigger attraction in the opposite sex.
Practice accessing your moan from that primal and uninhibited place. When you feel comfortable, move to step three.
Step Three: Share Your Moan
One important thing to note. You may find that your “moan” may differ according to your mood or what you are fantasizing about when you masturbate. Your Madonna Moan isn’t a one-size-fits-all-occasion noise.
Your Madonna Moan is when you are so tuned into your desires and emotions in the moment that you let go of your inhibitions. You access the core of your sexuality and you express what shows up.
I tell you this because when you share your moan with your partner, it may end up different than when you practiced alone. That’s normal and actually, somewhat to be expected.
There isn’t an elaborate set up to getting ready for sharing. You just need to relax your thoughts and simply focus on how you feel. Both emotionally and physically. What helps me is to mentally, switch off the logical side of my brain and switch on the emotional side.
You also need to banish any thoughts of self-consciousness. Remember, you are powerful. You are fierce. You are damn sexy and you are going to blow his mind!
It doesn’t matter if this is a long drawn-out love making session or a hot and heavy quickie, you can share your MM in any type of scenario.
I found one way that is easy for me to get to my MM place is to start by saying his name and that I like what he’s doing. From there, I allow myself to verbalize whatever shows up. I don’t think before I speak. I let my MM take over and just go with what happens. THAT is why this is powerful. Because it is completely in the moment and uncensored.
Remember, there isn’t a wrong way to do this!
His reaction
Your man may react in a few different ways.
He may growl right back at you in obvious approval. He may be inspired to join in and moan and let his own string of words fly.
He may be stunned into silence. This kind of primal display of your physical pleasure may shock him. This does NOT mean he’s judging you or doesn’t like it.
Quite the contrary.
This may be the first time he’s ever witnessed his own ability to bring a woman to the brink of divine ecstasy. Especially if you are the quieter type in the past.
You can smooth over any awkward silences by simply saying something like “Wow, you really got me going tonight!” with a big grin and a snuggle.
He might ask you why this time was different or what he did to make you moan like that. Your response is totally up to you.
One idea is to tell him that you finally feel free enough to express yourself that way with him. That he makes you feel safe to be uninhibited. Or you could just say “I don’t know, it just sort of came out!” and leave it at that.
No matter how he responds, just have faith that you’ve solidified your sexual connection. You’ve shown him how much he satisfies you and how in touch with your primal sexuality you are. His brain and his ego are now even more in tune with you!
What if you get too nervous
If you find you are letting stage fright take over, it’s okay. It’s normal to feel a bit scared to reveal this very vulnerable and real side to your sexuality.
The first time may not go like you thought it would. That’s okay. The point is to keep trying. Go back to steps one and two. Then next time you have sex, try out step three again. The only thing I ask is that you don’t give up!
