By this point in the program you’ve probably gathered a lot of great ideas and inspiration that are fueling your fantasies. However, it may still make you nervous to boldly and directly describe them to your guy.
And while the direct approach is best and subtle hints can go unnoticed, with this technique you are going to combine the two. A blend of direct and subtle that will plant “seeds” in his mind. So that at the exact moment you want, you can have him leap into action making your desires come true.
Well, that may sound like a slight stretch (though I do get a giggle imagining my guy “leaping into action”). But what this technique does is provide him with enough information about what turns you on yet puts him still in the seat of power. He is orchestrating your pleasure and as a result, gets to bask in the glow of his sexual prowess.
It’s important to note that this exercise doesn’t have to literally bring your fantasy to life. It can, but it doesn’t have to. The true goal with this exercise is to grow your sexual connection and his confidence in knowing what turns you on.
A quick love note to my single ladies…
Yes, this lesson is one that is best used when in a relationship. However, as with everything in this program, I still encourage you to read it and consider the teachings. And just tuck away this information for a sexy rainy day with your future lover.
Step One: Gather your Fantasies
In your journal, I want you to write down some of your personal desires and fantasies. This is just a brainstorm right now.
Remember that fantasies aren’t “good” or “bad”. They are simply representative of your sexual imagination. Sometimes what we find arousing may not even make much sense.
Here are some key words to get you started…
Sexual Acts
Fellatio (blow job), cunnilingus, masturbation, mutual masturbation, certain positions (doggie-style, you on top, reverse cowgirl), ejaculation on your body, ejaculation in your mouth (swallowing), nipple stimulation, hand job (you or him), fisting, anal penetration, mouth to anal stimulation (rimming), threesomes, swapping partners
Clothing and Props
schoolgirl outfit, military uniform, sports uniform, work uniform, masks (ski mask, costume, masquerade), hats (cowboy, tiara, ladylike hat), formal wear (gown, tuxedo, suit), gloves, maid uniform, fully nude, one partner nude / one clothed, no panties under a short skirt, sex toys, strap-ons, restraints, blindfolds, clamps/clips, handcuffs, collars, hairstyle (ponytail, pigtails, bun, loose), wigs/disguises, using food/edibles (whip cream, syrup, honey, fruit)
Places and Scenarios
bedroom, living room, kitchen, bathroom, outside, by the pool, hot tub, on the beach, at a park, mountain trail, in a parked car, on the hood of a car, camping, nightclub, airplane, in public, where you could (or do) get caught, someone is watching you, you are watching someone else, multiple person orgy, sex party, while watching porn, at school, in a locker room/gym
Reading through those keywords you likely found a few ideas and things that started to arouse you. Note what those were and start to combine them in appealing ways.
For example…
- At a fancy restaurant, you aren’t wearing panties under your dress, he rubs your clit/vagina until you climax.
- Camping in the woods, sex outside of your tent in daylight, caught in the act by a forest ranger.
- You are nude stepping out of the shower, he bends you over the vanity and takes you from behind and you watch in the steamed up mirror.
Write out a couple of specific ideas that sound fun/interesting/arousing to you. Don’t worry right now about logistics or how you will bring it to life. Just think of what turns you on.
Step Two: Make a Selection
Again, without really spending time thinking about the “how”, choose a scenario that is your favorite.
Got it? Good!
Step Three: Put it Together
Now that you have your scenario, you are going to pull things together to use as your “seeds”. These will be tangible items (clothes, props, books) as well as digital items (photos, videos). You will need to be a little creative but I will give you some ideas on how to do this.
Also, this can be as involved as you want it and it can also be done fairly simply. I’m outlining this process as the full-meal deal so you have the tools to be very detailed. I will show you how it can be scaled back, too.
Clothing and Props
- What are the details around the clothing? What you are wearing and what he’s wearing. Does it involve toys or other props?
- Are these items things you already own or can acquire easily? If so, get them.
- Gather photos of the items and save them on your smart phone (you can also create a secret Pinterest board if you’d like).
Location/Place
- Where does this take place? Are there specific items that correlate to the place? For example, if it was a scene in the kitchen, utensils or spatulas could work to symbolize.
- Is this a specific locale, like on vacation or an airplane? Gather photos of the place.
Sex Acts
- What are the specific sex acts taking place?
- Can you find photos or video that depict the sex act? If so, download/save to your phone.
- Look on Amazon for erotica books that feature that theme or sex act. Purchase digitally or in paperback.
- You can also write down the details of the sex act in your fantasy.
Step Four: Plant Your Seeds
This is where it gets fun! Again, you will need to use some of your own creativity but I will walk you through several ideas.
What you are going to do is start sending him clues. Leaving him subtle hints as well as overt surprises that get him on the same page as you and your fantasy.
Examples of clues to give him:
- Send him a photo of you dressed in the fantasy outfit. No explanation just a photo.
- Tuck a pair of panties or other prop in his jacket pocket or briefcase for him to find.
- Text him a link to a video to watch that shows something related to your fantasy.
- Write out part of the fantasy and stick in on a post-it on the bathroom mirror. Or slide it into the book he’s reading or paperwork he’s working on.
- If you have a book that describes the fantasy, book mark it with a ribbon and leave it for him to find with a note that says “Read me”
- Leave him a voicemail message of you reading a passage from the book or describing the fantasy for him. Read in a way that he’s listening in on something happening, jump right into the action.
- Text him some fairly vague phrases and hints about the fantasy with winky-faces. “Visions of making love on a tropical beach ;)” or “We walk into the party not knowing what to expect…but we see beautiful naked bodies in states of bliss and pleasure”
- Send him photos of clothing, sex toys, or other images that relate to the fantasy with no explanation
Step Five: Timing
You don’t want to bombard him with all of these clues at once. You will need to calculate how to space them apart. You want to pique his interest without it feeling necessarily urgent. This is a slow build at this point.
One plan is to send him something every few days. For example, send a picture text on Monday. Tuck a pair of undies in his pocket on Thursday. Leave a book for him to find on Sunday. Leave him a voicemail on Wednesday.
You can even space it out further than that but you want to keep it somewhat top of mind. Wait too many days and he may forget about it and not be able to easily follow your train of thinking.
Continue to plant seeds until he starts repeatedly asking about them…or takes action.
Step Six: Tease
He will probably ask you what you are doing. What does that text mean? Why did you send him a photo of that outfit? Why did he find a sex toy in his briefcase?
Feign innocence. Tell him that it was just something you saw and thought he might like. Say you don’t know how that sex toy got there or where that book that said “read me” came from.
And then try to change the subject and leave him without any specific answers.
Eventually he will get persistent and keep asking. You can then ask him “what do you think it means?” and see if he guesses. If he does guess that you are hinting at a sexual fantasy, ask him if he’d like to bring it to life (if he hasn’t already suggested that).
If he seems genuinely stumped, you can lead him closer to the answer by saying they are “just some ideas” you have that sound fun or sexy.
Step Seven: Bring It to Life
The seeds have been planted. If he’s a more sexually adventurous type or you’ve already played with bringing fantasies to life, he may get it immediately and bypass asking questions and go straight for sex.
If he’s more reserved, you may have to be a little more patient.
If he isn’t picking up on your clues this first time around, you may have to be more proactive. The next time you plan to have sex, have one of the props there with you. Coyly ask him what he thinks about it or if he has an idea what it’s for. Or you can begin to bring the fantasy to life by talking it through.
Now, how does this work if your fantasy is that you are a stewardess who is seduced by a sexy passenger and you have sex in the airplane bathroom?
Well, this where the power of imagination come through. Short of booking airline tickets, you could have a sexy stewardess outfit and you could role play pulling him into your small powder room to have sex standing up.
You can also bring the fantasy to life simply by narrating it while you have sex in your bed. See, to feel the pleasure of your fantasy you don’t have to literally act it out. Think about it…if you’ve gotten aroused by this fantasy before, chances are you haven’t actually experienced it. It is simply an idea that arouses you and your imagination does all the work while your body responds.
So that is why I told you to not worry about the logistics or details with this. You can rely on your imagination and creativity to bring it to life.
Step Eight: The Afterglow
This is a very important piece of this exercise. You need to specifically thank him for tending to your desires. Tell him you loved how he was able to guess what your clues meant. Or, if he didn’t guess them, thank him for being willing to participate in exploring your desires. Let him know how much that turned you on and how you felt so loved and appreciated by his ability to satisfy you.
By doing this, you are reinforcing all of the positive connections you made together. Especially if he seemed uncertain about what your clues meant. Praising him and letting him know how much this pleases you sexually increases your intimacy. It also opens the door for you to do this again with another fantasy AND for him to know the ways in which he makes you statisfied.
FAQs
I planted my “seeds” but he just seemed really confused by the whole thing. Did I do something wrong?
Not at all! Remember, some men are the types to be very singularly focused and task-oriented. And the first time you try this, your clues will seem totally random to him and not really connected to anything concrete. He very well may be clueless (haha) despite your efforts.
That is why, especially the first time, you may have to step him to lead him to the big idea. It’s okay if he didn’t “leap into action” this time like I half-way promised. Chances are, though, the next time you set about leaving clues and hints he will definitely put two and two together.
My fantasies are really straightforward and just involve romantic lovemaking. How would I give him clues for that?
Fantasies don’t have to be kinky or off the wall! I know a lot of women fantasize about their man making tender and sweet love to them. In this case, think of all the details you would enjoy. Pretty lingerie, candles, poetry, fine wine, soft music. Send him a photo of a gorgeous nightgown. Play him a link to a beautiful love song. Tuck a love poem in his wallet. Buy a bottle of wine. Text him a description of how he takes your breath away when he is romantic. The clues are bountiful with this scenario!
