One of the biggest complaints I heard from my Man Panel was the lack of great blow-jobs in their lives.
“She won’t give me head unless I beg her to. I hate having to beg for it. Even when she will do it, the thrill just isn’t there.”
“It makes me feel like she finds me repulsive since she has zero interest in sucking my dick.”
“I love my wife and we have built a happy life. But I find myself fantasizing about the girlfriend I had before I met her. She wasn’t someone I wanted to marry, but she gave me the best blow-jobs of my life.”
“I just wish she’d act like she enjoyed it. Surprise me once in a while and suck my cock because she wants to. Not because I’ve asked her to.”
I understand that for a lot of us, giving head feels like one more chore. They don’t call it a “job” for nothing, right? But one of the best secrets for keeping your guy 100% focused on you is mastering the art of the enthusiastic BJ.
This isn’t the regular do-it-like-always and hope-it’s-over-quick kind of oral. With this technique you will learn how to elevate your status from okay to WOW! in his mind.
Even for those of you who enjoy giving your guy head, this technique will floor him.
Pre-oral Primer
If you aren’t 100% confident or need to brush up on your BJ skills, read this first!
- Ask what he likes. Every penis is slightly different, so asking your man what he enjoys is the number one thing you need to do. Speed, position, and area of focus on are critical to know in order to do a custom-made job for him.
- Wetter is better. Flavored lubricant or lots of saliva is key. A dry mouth on a dry penis can be painful. Make sure you’re well-hydrated to be in top saliva-producing mode.
- Practice. If you haven’t been giving many BJ’s lately, your jaw will likely cramp up and it hurts like a mo-fo. A lot of women don’t like oral simply because it can be uncomfortable. Like any skill, the more you practice, the easier it becomes! You can practice by giving shorter oral sessions with him (like as a precursor to vaginal sex) and you can also practice alone with a banana. Getting used to breathing through your nose, relaxing your throat muscles to calm your gag reflex, and keeping your jaw open make a big difference in your comfort level while giving head.
- Not just the tip. The tip of the penis (the glans) is the most sensitive part on his body. Too much tongue action too soon may not feel good for him. Think of how you enjoy oral sex. Most women like his tongue attention to start with slow and soft. And then vary between direct pressure on the clitoris and licking/sucking on the inner and outer labia. Gradually building up to more intense and focused pressure on the clit. If he just went to town sucking or pressing hard on it right off the bat, you’d probably yelp in pain.
So think of how you enjoy oral and apply the same logic to his penis. The length of the shaft, the base, balls, and perineum are all places to utilize and focus on while giving him oral pleasure. Start slowly and gently. Vary where and how you are placing your mouth and tongue on him and build up speed and pressure as you go. - Use your hands. While deep-throating feels amazing for him, not every woman can do it. Some of us just have too strong of a gag reflex. Or his penis might just be too big. Or you may have a cold or allergies making filling your mouth and throat up with his cucumber impossible because breathing through your nose is a no-go. Whatever the case, using your hands can help you bring him more and varied sensations and also helps your stamina.
Circling the base of his penis with your fingers in an “OK” sign, cupping his balls, and also using your hand in conjunction with your mouth are all important to incorporate. If he happens to be well-endowed (length or girth) using your lubricated hand as an extension to your mouth is key to sustaining your session. It’s okay to take a break from using your mouth and use your hands for a minute or two. - Be enthusiastic. This is probably the number one tip on giving great oral. He LOVES it when you act like you genuinely want to give him pleasure. If he has to beg or you seem like you dread it, it massively diminishes his enjoyment
I will tell you another personal story. I used to HATE giving head. Like dreaded it. Avoided it at all costs. I thought it was uncomfortable and even a little gross.
Of course I wanted my boyfriend to give me oral, but in my mind, that was different. I couldn’t reliably orgasm from intercourse, but he could. So to me that justified my getting oral without having to give it.
That got me through a few relationships, until I started dating one guy who stood up to my flawed logic. One night, I gave in and started giving him the most timid BJ in history. He stopped me, because he recognized that my resistance was actually coming from fear of not knowing what in the hell I was doing. It was obvious I was clueless!
Thankfully, he took the time to explain what to do. He was calm and reassuring and gave me a huge confidence boost. The more he coached me, the better I got. Once I realized just how much power my mouth and hand had over driving him wild, I switched from dreading giving head to enthusiastically giving it… even enjoying it.
Phew… alright, now let’s move on to learning the actual technique!
2. His eyes
3. His ears
Step One: Get a Mirror
This is the only pre-planning you need to do for this. We’ve already talked here and there about how men process things visually. If you missed it, let me say it again: Men are highly visually stimulated when it comes to sex.
You are going to use two methods of visual stimulation in this technique. A mirror is one of them.
Wherever you are going to be giving him this mind-blowing BJ, I want you to place a mirror in his line of sight. If you have a vanity or full-length mirror already up in your bedroom, that’s fantastic.
When you are going to give him head, I want you to place your body so that he is able to see your backside in the mirror. This would mean he is facing the mirror.
If it’s a full-length mirror, a great position would be him facing the mirror with you on your knees.
If it’s a vanity or dresser mirror, him sitting on the bed facing the mirror with you on the floor between his legs is perfect.
He is going to be able to look down and watch you giving him head, and he can also watch you (and your ass) in the mirror. You can wear cute panties, sexy lingerie, be naked, or even stay in your street clothes.
Step Two: The Slow Tease
Tell him he is in for a treat and get him into position in front of the mirror. His penis is your ultimate destination, but you are going to take a slow route to get there.
Start by kissing his neck. Run your fingers and mouth slowly down his chest. Tweak his nipples with your fingers or teeth. If he still has pants or boxers on, run your hands or even your mouth over his covered penis. Massage him lightly.
Then move your attention toward his hips, groin, and upper thighs. Lightly caress and tickle him. Run your tongue in circles in those areas. You can also touch, massage, and lick his inner thighs, too.
Do this for several minutes. Graze your fingers and mouth over his penis but then quickly move away to these other areas. You are going to have him begging to put your mouth on him.
He may grab your head at this point and try and move it for you. Tell him, “Not so fast,” if he tries that.
Step Three: Eyes and Ears
Stop what you are doing and make eye contact with him. Smile and lick your lips. If you need to, take off his pants or underwear so he’s naked before you.
Grab his penis firmly and ask him, “Do you want me to suck your dick now?” with a sly smile.
Or you could simply state, “I’m going to suck your dick now.”
It’s bold and he will love hearing that question or sentence come out of your mouth as you are looking at him.
As you take him into your mouth, make eye contact with him. Take it out and slide your mouth alongside his entire length like it’s a cob of corn. Swirl your tongue over the tip and slide it back down the other side. Break eye contact and then re-make eye contact as you are doing this.
Your eye contact is a big turn on but remember, it’s not a staring contest.
Begin to slowly take him back into your mouth as far as you can. Make eye contact as you are lowering your mouth on him and let out an “mmmmm” sound.
Stop and ask him if he likes watching you in the mirror. Make sure he’s aware that you’ve strategically placed yourself in his view.
Take him back into your mouth and continue to give him head. Make sure to moan and make “mmm” sounds as you go. You can break and re-make eye contact as you continue to give him head. He may be intently watching you or your reflection in the mirror, or he may be closing his eyes in pleasure at times, too.
Your mouth or jaw may get tired, but even if it doesn’t, switch it up to just a lubricated hand for a minute or two. Tell him how much you love sucking his dick. You can say:
-
- “I love pleasing you this way. “
- “I love having you in my mouth. “
- “I love your cock. “
- “I love sucking your dick. “
- “I love giving you head. “
- “Do you like how I suck your dick?”
They all work, so whatever feels most natural for you. But I can tell you, saying it raunchy is a big turn-on for you both.
Step Four: The home stretch
Gradually start to pick up speed. Listen to his breathing as a gauge for how close he is to climaxing. You don’t want to lose momentum or interfere with his orgasm. However, when you feel like he’s in the home stretch, you are going to give him some verbal encouragement. Say:
- “I want you to cum for me”
- “Cum for me baby”
- “I want to make you cum”
- “I want to make you cum so hard”
Any variation of that sentence works to get him to release. Also, some men are talkers as they are getting close to orgasm. Obviously you can’t carry on a conversation with his dick in your mouth, but you can certainly say “mmmhhhmmm” as a yes to what he’s saying.
Step Five: The Big Finish
I will tell you…very few women do this last part. In fact, there is a chance your man has never experienced it before. It’s like the cherry on top of the whipped cream on top of the yummiest sundae he’s ever had.
When he cums, I want you to swallow every last drop. To most men, watching a woman swallow his ejaculate is the hottest thing possible. It can be a mind over matter scenario to not gag though. Just gulp it down as quick as you possibly can.
However, there are some guys who want to cum on their woman’s face, hair, or breasts. If he pulls out to do that, let him.
Frequently Asked Questions
I tried this technique and he LOVED it, does this mean every time I give him head I should do this?
No. I don’t think so. I think variety is very important in your sex life, even when it comes to something you know he loves.
You can do pieces of this each time you give him a BJ, but if you make every single time the same, it gets boring and predictable. Switching it up keeps that sexual tension buzzing.
I am shy about him watching me in the mirror, do I have to do that part?
Yes. Girl, get over your shyness! You don’t have to bare your naked bottom in his view if you don’t want to, either. Seeing your naked body in front of him, pleasing him in that way is surely a great turn-on. But there is also something alluring about you being fully clothed and going to town on him. Like you are solely and eagerly focused on pleasing him that you didn’t even think about getting yourself naked.
Does every blowjob have to end in orgasm?
For this technique, I think you should give him head until he cums. However, nothing I tell you to do here is an absolute requirement. And certainly, every time you put his dick in your mouth you shouldn’t be expected to stay there until he ejaculates. If he has a long refractory period between erections, give him head for a few minutes and then switch it up to vaginal intercourse.
