Desire, Sex, and our Primitive Brains PDF
Desire, Sex and our Primitive Brains mp3
I’m going to let you in on the most powerful secret in this entire program in this lesson. If you’ve been at all on the fence about my crazy ideas, this will convince you that you MUST try them.
This little secret is the cure for your stale sex life. This bit of information can literally make your man addicted to you. You will become almost like a drug to his brain and learn how to easily trigger his need to get another “hit” of you.
Interested now?
Ok then 🙂 We are going to get our science on, ladies!
The human brain is an incredibly complex organ that science doesn’t fully understand. However, quite a bit of research has been done on hormones, neurochemicals, brain pathways and how all of it relates to human behavior.
I’m not going to go into intense amounts of technical detail (hey, I’m no scientist!) but I do want to give you an overview about how our brains deal with sex. Because there is a strong correlation to how dirty talk can affect your man’s brain as it relates to love, desire, and sex.
The feel-good chemical
One of the neurochemicals that has gotten a lot of press is dopamine. Dopamine is a feel-good neurochemical that gets released during certain activities. It relates to great things like love, lust, desire, sex, food. And some not so great things like drugs, gambling, and other addictions.
Essentially dopamine gives the brain a reward signal that then results in pleasurable feelings. Really amazing and wonderful feelings.
Like, imagine you just won the PowerBall lottery. And you are eating the most deliciously decadent chocolate sundae ever created. And Brad Pitt showed up as your pool boy. And then he gave you multiple orgasms.
If all of that happened, you’d be in a pleasure coma. At least I know I would be. THAT is what dopamine is all about.
And it can get activated from doing the activity itself (sex, drugs, eating chocolate). It also gets released simply by seeing (or hearing) triggers because it’s about the predicted reward as much as the actual reward (more on that in a sec).
Dopamine’s playground is the limbic part of the brain, specifically the nucleus accumbens. This is our primal, or primitive “old”, center of the brain. It is responsible for keeping us alive.
The reason pleasurable activities like sex would be dealt with in the limbic area is that procreation is necessary for human survival. And while dopamine relates to sex, as mentioned above, it also relates to gambling, alcohol, and drugs. That is a little scary BUT knowing how it works is key.
The “cuddle” hormone
When a human falls in love, dopamine levels soar. And when you fall in love, the by-product of that can be lots of sex, which puts your dopamine levels on overdrive. But only for a period of time. After orgasm, dopamine can plummet. That’s where its sidekick oxytocin gets involved. Oxytocin is called the “cuddle hormone” and its job is to bond people together emotionally.
FYI – Oxytocin tends to run higher in women than men. Likely because mothers need to bond with their infants to care for them. The flip side to oxytocin running higher in women is that we tend to get more emotionally bonded to a man we’ve had sex with than a man would get bonded to us. Interesting, huh?
These two chemicals work in tandem and ideally, balance each other out so that people fall in love, enjoy sex, and also develop a connection to each other.
What happens over time
The bummer news is that after time, dopamine doesn’t skyrocket anymore. Part of this is because you’ve gotten used to your partner and sex may become somewhat routine. This leads to a natural decline in desire and sexual relations.
Even in couples who have sex regularly, the whole act can become a bit mechanical and stale. Without conscious effort to spice it up, it happens. For some couples, they stop having sex altogether. This then affects the amount of oxytocin they are getting, too. This creates a vicious cycle that affects self-esteem as well as other areas of the relationship.
Ugh!
Don’t fret though! Research has shown there are ways to inflate you (and your partner’s) dopamine levels and get that spark back.
Novelty, surprise, and triggers
One of the best ways to boost dopamine, and consequently oxytocin, is to introduce novelty, surprise, and specific triggers to your sex life.
AND knowing that dopamine responds to triggers, this is where the exercises and lessons in this program become the solution to a recharged and sizzling sex life.
1. When you introduce a new way to enjoy sex—whether it’s dirty talk, phone sex, or role-playing— it’s a novelty (which means new or different) for you and your partner. Novelty = rise in dopamine.
2. You can also use the element of surprise. Sending a racy text unexpectedly, whipping out a sex toy without warning, or suddenly changing into ‘character’ are all ways to surprise him. Surprise = rise in dopamine.
3. Because these things like dirty talk, sex toys, or role play lead to sex, dopamine levels will rise due to sex being the predicted reward when you subsequently use them. Triggers = rise in dopamine.
Rise in dopamine = more desire and hotter, more connected sex!
Let’s talk a little more about how dopamine responds to triggers. Instead of sex, let’s look at how dopamine works in relation to drugs, like crack.
A crack user smokes the drug, dopamine is released, he feels good. Because dopamine is about predicted reward, it’s not only the smoking of the crack that will flood him with dopamine, other triggers will do the trick, too. Like seeing a crack pipe. The brain recognizes that pipe = crack = feel good so just the sight of the pipe will release dopamine. Part of the addiction to crack (or any substance) is the need to feel that flood of dopamine.
Understanding that now, let’s relate it to texting and dirty talk.
If you send playful texts that lead to full-blown dirty talk that then lead to awesome sex, over time your first playful sexy message will release dopamine in his brain. The dirty talk (and ultimately just the text alert sound itself) becomes the trigger.
Because you are the woman who can give him that hit of dopamine and make him feel good, it’s basically like he gets addicted to it…and his desire for you goes through the roof.
How to use this information when you are dating
You single ladies have a distinct advantage because every new relationships practically hums with these feel-good chemicals. Novelty and surprise are the name of the game in the beginning because you have zero frame of reference for what comes next when you are with a new partner.
What I want you to keep in mind is how to continually allow these chemicals to rise…and fall…and rise again. What I mean by that is, as soon as anything between the sheets becomes predictable, mix it up.
Use a change of scenery, a different time of day, suggesting a new position, alternate the tempo (a fast quickie vs. a long lovemaking session)… you get the picture.
And if you aren’t quite to the point of having sex, you can still introduce brain chemistry sexiness into your relationship. Pay close attention to the next lesson, The Cuddle Hormone and the lessons in Module Five.
Also, I would be doing you a disservice if I didn’t talk about oxytocin as it relates to you. Remember when I said above how oxytocin connects you to a man you’ve slept with?
Here’s the risk with that: You can sleep with a guy fairly early on in a relationship, before you’ve sussed out whether he’s actually a great match or not, and because the sex is decent you can start to overlook red flags. That’s because oxytocin is busy doing its job of bonding you to this dude. Which can make an otherwise level-headed woman think a doofus is her Prince Charming.
Look, I believe 100% in every woman’s right to choose when to sleep with a new guy. After the first date or after the first 100 dates, it’s completely your call and I am the last person to judge I just want you to be aware of oxytocin’s sneaky ways. Enjoy the sex but remember to keep your eyes open to a guy’s true character.
Just knowing that your brain chemistry is eager to convince you someone is a catch doesn’t mean in reality that he is. That’s all.
Final thoughts
I trust that you will use this knowledge carefully, ok? We can’t be running around making all of these poor unsuspecting men become addicted to us 😉
The other lessons in this module teach you specific techniques related to brain chemistry.
