Celeste and Mike have been happily together for two years. Both of their kids from their first marriages are grown, so they have the luxury of a lot of time together.
Celeste never had the kind of sexual chemistry with her ex-husband like she does with Mike. He is a masterful lover and has introduced Celeste to a level of passion she has always wanted but didn’t think would ever be hers.
Except for one little thing. On occasion, Mike has uttered some very explicit things in the middle of making love. And while Celeste kind of likes it, she doesn’t know how to respond. Mike recently expressed his desire for Celeste to participate and get raunchy but she’s afraid.
“I feel safe with him in every other aspect of our relationship. I love Mike and know he loves me deeply, too. So why am I frozen like an innocent deer caught in the headlights of an oncoming semi with this small suggestion?” she wonders.
If the idea of talking dirty, sharing your desires, or even exploring your sexuality makes you uncomfortable, you are NOT alone.
The constant push-pull pressure around sex that our culture puts on us women is a doozy. We are expected to aspire to ridiculous standards of beauty and femininity yet we are told in countless ways that being sexual is wrong.
We can look toward religion, literature, art, pop culture…even our own beliefs for the “why”. Despite the thriving enterprise of sex as business (they don’t call it the oldest profession for nothin’), we women are held to an impossible standard of exuding propriety and sex appeal at the same time.
Look sexy but don’t act slutty.
This pressure we feel naturally spills over into our relationships. We have sex but many of us don’t feel like we can fully express ourselves for fear of judgment.
We feel like we need to know how to please a man without appearing “too” experienced. We feel pressured to hide our wildest fantasies and not admit to our past sexcapades. We see other women who are caught being too sexual shamed in the media as sluts.
So over the years, we’ve repressed our desires, urges, and fantasies. Maybe you trot them out in the privacy of your own mind. But when it comes to your boyfriend/husband/lover, you just hope he guesses what they may be without you having to actually tell him.
I am here to show you that it’s possible to incorporate dirty talk (and more!) into your sex life without one iota of fear, shame, or feeling slutty.
By the end of this program, you will be able to confidently express your sexual self. If that sounds impossible to you right now, just stick with me. The reasons I want you to follow this program is that it will actually benefit you, your man, and your entire relationship beyond the bedroom.
It’s not just some cheap thrills here, ladies. There is substance along with the smut 😉
A few of the benefits you will enjoy by following my program are
- increased physical and emotional intimacy
- more sexual satisfaction
- understanding how his brain is wired
- elevated confidence and more fun!
The biggest fear I want to dispel is that your partner is going to think you are slutty. He is not going to think you are a slut, he’s going to think he won the sexual lottery!
The exercises and homework in this program are designed to help you dump those old limiting beliefs as well as to build your sexual confidence. Think of these exercises as a gift to share with him. A gift he is going to be thrilled with!
Now…let’s get to work demolishing those fears!
You know the old advice that if you smile even when you are unhappy that you can trick yourself into improving your mood? I’m going to have you do something similar here.
Telling yourself affirmations has the same effect. You can start to change your belief system by repeating key phrases. It may sound hokey but it works. If you ever watched The Secret or read up on the Law of Attraction, this lesson is along those lines.
Step One: Make a Commitment
Before we do anything, I need you to make a commitment to me. And actually, who you are really making a commitment to is yourself.
I want you to commit to being open to learning what makes men tick. Some of what you read here might freak you out. Some of it might even make you mad. And there will also likely be sections that challenge the way you have previously thought about sex and men…and yourself.
You might want to give up thinking it’s too uncomfortable or scary. But I promise I will be with you the entire way. I walked through all of this alone. And I’ve coached several friends and friends of friends through it, too. If I could do that and they could do that, I know you can, too.
So right now, I want you to grab your journal and write down a few things.
What would an ideal sex life look like to you?
Why do you want to learn the Language of Desire?
And most importantly, write this down: I am worthy and deserving of a sizzling sex life. I am committing to learning how to make that happen!
Step Two: Retrain Your Brain
Here you are going to start to reprogram some beliefs you may have about sex and your sexuality. If you already have a positive sexual self-image, this exercise will serve to enhance it even more.
However, I’m guessing since you bought this program there may be some areas that you aren’t entirely confident about regarding sex. You will hear me say this a lot: That is very common. Most women hold some degree of shame, guilt, or uncertainty when it comes to fully expressing their sexual desires.
These affirmations are going to start to lift away some of those negative beliefs. When you repeat an affirmation through writing, reading, and speaking, you begin to train your brain to believe them.
Just like if you tell yourself over and over again “I’m so stupid!” eventually you will begin to believe you are stupid. The power of our inner thoughts is tremendous. Some people believe that our inner thoughts is what shapes our reality.
You don’t have to go so far as to believe that if you don’t choose to. However, you do need to do this exercise. With an open mind and an open heart 🙂
Read these phrases, out loud, if possible.
- I am a sexually confident and beautiful woman.
- I feel free to express my sexuality.
- I am in touch with my sexual desires.
- My sexual confidence is magnetic.
- My partner is turned on by my sexual confidence.
- I let go of any sexual insecurities I may have.
- I celebrate my sexuality.
Special affirmations for you single ladies!
- I easily attract my ideal man
- Men find me desirable and sexy because I find myself desirable and sexy
- I am worthy of love and devotion
- I trust the right man is on his way to me right now
Now, read them again.
Next, write them down in your journal. And go ahead and add some of your own! The more you say these affirmations to yourself, the more you overturn those inhibitions and fears.
Step Three: Rinse and Repeat
Over the next several days, I want you to go back to this list. Read these affirmations and take a few minutes each day to write them down in your journal. When you get your daily email from me, I am going to remind you!
The more you repeat them, the more you will believe them and the more they will become your reality.
There is everything right about feeling sexy and enjoying your sexuality! There is no need to fear the slut label any longer.
