Okay, you’ve made it to the final module. Give yourself a high five for getting this far, sister!
I’ve covered some of the frequent issues that come up in some of the techniques, but what if you’ve tried a lot of these ideas and he’s still not responding with gusto to your advances?
Well. That’s a tough one.
My ultimate goal with writing this program is to see women all over the planet enjoying a totally fulfilling and fun sex life with their partners. Sometimes, despite our best intentions, our sex lives can get off track. For some couples, all it takes is a program like this one to give encouragement and insight into how to bring that spark back.
For other couples, the issues in their sex life run deeper than what role playing or dirty talking can fix. I’m obviously not a licensed medical professional, so I can’t speculate or offer guidance on any medical specifics. However, here are some questions to think about that might at least steer you in the right direction toward a solution.
Is your sex life relatively active aside from trying these new ideas with him? In other words, are you having sex but he just isn’t comfortable with this kind of sexual creativity?
If the answer is yes, then I suggest going back to some of the tamer techniques that focus more on building your emotional connection and less on revealing private fantasies, particularly The Cuddle Hormone and The Boiled Frog. Both of those lessons can be used without role playing or even getting particularly dirty.
If the answer is no, then it sounds like it’s a bigger issue regarding intimacy, libido, and/or sexual function. I highly encourage you to look into seeing both a medical doctor and a couples therapist. Look for a therapist or counselor who specializes in sex, libido, or intimacy issues.
The sexual connection in your marriage or long-term relationship is a very important component, and it is absolutely worth getting professional help with if it’s not optimal.
Are there certain lessons he does respond positively to?
If yes, then continue to use those and explore variations of them.
If no, ask him if he’s open to talking about what things do turn him on. It’s possible that even with this wide variety of ideas, we just may have missed his particular turn-ons.
Do you think he’s simply not comfortable with you using graphic language?
Some men have very rigid ideas about what femininity looks and sounds like. If your man is old fashioned or highly conservative/traditional, try using more ladylike language with him. See if that gives a better response.
Also, let him know that you are exploring some new ideas just for fun, but it’s important to you that he feels comfortable. See if he’s willing to share the things he does like and what specifics he’d like to be different.
Can you simply talk candidly with him about your sex life?
I realize that doesn’t come easy to a lot of people. Like I’ve mentioned before, many of us have been raised with the belief that sex is something to be ashamed of or isn’t to be pleasurable. And we were never given the encouragement to speak openly about our desires, let alone any kinky fantasies.
Try gently opening up the conversation. Let him know that whatever he has to say is okay, that you love him and want to experience a mutually exciting sex life with him, that you desire him and are attracted to him and want to learn how to satisfy him. It can happen if you share your desires with each other.
No matter what your answers may be, I do want to commend you on taking the step to be brave enough to want to improve your sex life. It is a great gift that you’ve given both yourself and your partner to be willing to explore your sexuality!
